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iZpHJV comment4 ,

I don't understand the point of this at all. I have watched several of the videos and they seem like they would be better on someone's personal blog, not on nbc.com. Also most of them don't even fit in "fears regrets desires" they are just some guy rambling about himself for five minutes. I think a better idea for this site would be for someone (NOT THIS HOST) to interview new people weekly, like man on the street stuff.

@Halcyon -
Yeah, it's definitely important to recognize the cause of your actions, especially violent ones. Helps prevent it from happening in the future!

I think the blond looks good on you! I'm just so used to the pink. :) I don't know if I'm imagining it or not, but it sort of looked like the ends were just reeeeeeeeeeally light pink, which I really dig! But yeah, changing the look up every once in a while is cool. I keep my hair blond/pink, so I actually like yours best when the pink's grown out a little and you've re-bleached the roots. :)

@Heidi
"That alone makes me feel like I am a superhero." SO TRUE! We too often forget to give ourselves credit for victories like that.
p.s. I'd like to be invited to the mid wrestling, please. ;)

@Denise
-wow. I can't even imagine. To have to endure all that while thinking of your kids, too. Thank goodness it is in the past. May the universe make your journey a harmonious one for now on.

I used to fight with my sister. A lot. We grew up in a very dysfunctional household. Dad would yell at Mom, Mom would yell at me, Grandma would yell at me, Dad would yell at me, but I was supposed to diffuse the anger, even when I am 7 years old. I still feel bad that I fought with my sister so much, but I was doing the best I could do at the time.

The family is still dysfunctional, but I am now able to handle all of their issues and still live a conflict-free life. I have risen above their fights and tantrums and anger. That alone makes me feel like I am a superhero.

That being said, I still feel the impulse of aggression and wanting to take it out on someone.

I love to wrestle. And someday I would love to mud wrestle.

I love that playful wrestling can take out aggression, but in a healthy playful way.

~ Heidi

I regret to say that....my husband and I have been separated now for over 1 1/2 years. Almost 2. My husband had some issues and being a Nurse, his Wife,Friend,Lover, Mother of his children and partner raising at the time 7 children. His 2 children from 2 prior relationships. My oldest daughter and 4 of our own. He had behaviors that needed to be addressed-he had started to unravel. He went with me to a Licensed Professional to get help. He went 4 times. Got a script for Adderall. Which I knew and begged the L.P. not to prescribe. Being a nurse (etc.) I knew what he was hiding and not telling the L.P.! This med sent him into a Psychosis. By his 2nd month he was running out of the meds......by the 3rd....he called the L.P. begging for more because he was using so much of it...he actually talked this L.P. into giving him a script for Narcolepsy convincing the L.P. he had this problem. Unbelievable. Well, I called this L.P. and tryed yo beg him to think of what he was doing. Well, the L.P. gave him another month...even after my husband failed to go see him for a med check because of my call. That was the worst thing that could have happened. I ended up in the hospital getting my face x-rayed because he went into a Psychotic frenzy and exploded in our house with our children present like some Maniac out of control. I had no-idea who this person was.....except being a Nurse and Mom I had a JOB to do! I tried to protect my children and he actually tore off the door to get in. I stood in front of them.....I got hit by him and....lets just say...I did nothing except try to help him by calling the L.P. and trying to get him off the med.,and protect my children. I did end up with a black eye and more hurt inside than anything else. I'm putting it mildly. What I regret now is now I have learned that I triggered his Rage.....I made the phone call. I tried to intervene and it back-fired....in my face! My house was walking on egg shells.....everyone was Afraid of my husband. EVERYONE! The L.P. stopped prescribing the meds for him.....to late..he found street drugs. He bought from a girl he knew in a bar. So his addiction escalated. To other drug use and he spiraled out of control. Obviously...everything I ever Loved...became no-more! My home became complete dysfunction. He was to far gone. So much more happened. In the end. I moved an 1 1/2 away from him and his family who enabled him while I was pregnant with our 5th child and Last child.....with 5 children and 1 more on the way. I had nothing. He took everything held it hostage in storage including all of our children things. He took my vehicle because Police said it was Marital property nothing I could do and he Totalled it....while using drugs and stood up on the hood of the vehicle flipping me off. He took a picture of himself doing this and thought it was "Whatever"....who knows what his mind was thinking. LOL! He took my other vehicle and rammed it...making it unfixable. So I was pregnant and Walked to work. Seriously. Walked to stores for food too. With kids and pregnant. So much abuse went on. Emotional, Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Financial. I struggled with what to do. I USED MY HEAD AND MY HEART. I USED THE LAW WHICH MAY NOT BE PERFECT BUT IT IS STILL THE LAW AND I BELIEVE IN IT. Things are NOT PERFECT. But....after almost 2 years of abuse. He is finally turning around. I NEVER ABUSED HIM! ALL OF MY CHILDREN INCLUDING 2 STEP-CHILDREN COULD SAY HONESTLY....I HAVE NEVER IN THEIR LIFES EVEN SPANKED THEM!!! I BELIEVE IN LOVE.....AND WORKING THINGS OUT WITH INTELLIGENCE AND COMMUNICATION..BEING AN ADVOCATE AND BEING DAMN SAVVY!!!! I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO BE A MENTOR FOR SOOOOOOOOOO MANY ORGANIZATIONS BECAUSE I USED MY HEAD AND MY HEART. Today my family is still intact. I CAN'T BE HIS WIFE, NURSE,! All I can now is try to keep using my head and heart....and try not to be bitter. Not always easy. I have had moments of breaking down and letting the negative in and letting it cloud my better judgment. I have since leaving him......stopped being friends with some people because they were negative and stopped talking to some family members because they just couldn't understand why I left, more importantly why I kept my cool. I had too. My Job is being a Nurse....I have had to use my head. I'm a Mom I've had to have Heart! I'm still Afraid of him.I will never be able to trust him again. I regret that. Soooooooooo here is my confession! Check your mail for more of my story to come. It has to unfold the way it is supposed too. I Love You John! Thank You for being there for me for the last 2 Years! ;) Thank You for all the times I needed to be ((HUGGED)) and needed to be reminded of who I am.....and My Head and Heart were RIGHT!!!! You reminded me of ME everytime I got negative. I Never used Punching as a way of fighting. I used the Law! I used my Head...I used my Heart!!!!!!!((HUGS))

@Ed
"I really should have used a sweep kick." That almost made me spit my drink out!

He did for a while

@Obscura
-That is a WAY better skill.

Nice production value. You really put a lot into these videos and it shows.

My sister and I would constantly fight growing up. She knew exactly which buttons to push to get me angry. One day we were arguing over something trivial: who would get to open the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes envelope. There was a bit of a scuffle and I, being taller, brought my fist down on the top of her head Little Bunny Foo-Foo style. She didn't suffer any damage, but I broke a knuckle. It was the last time we fought.

To this day, almost 2 decades later, my knuckle still hurts on occasion and reminds me of that stupid move. I really should have used a sweep kick. Just kidding!

I've been in two fist fights and decided that I'm not very good at it. On the plus side I'm doing a damn good job avoiding fights.

@Billy
Damn. Choking is hard core! Of course, any violence is. It's scary how far we can go when the animal takes over. Glad you let go eventually! (Did he stop bullying you?)

At high school I strangled ths guy who was bullying me. Not to death but he was going red in the face

This is only time I have every done anything like that

Ironically (not sure if that correct word) next week I am attending Non-violent Crisis Intervention to help deal with any aggravated clients that come into the office or over the phone

@Adam
- what about your 2 years as a Mexican Luchador? That counts!!! Just because you wore a mask doesn't mean it wasn't as fight. (thanks for letting me share the story. We should put it in The Book!)

@qthrul
That makes a ton of sense. I admit, that it is hard for me to accept the "sport" in things like boxing and UFC. BUT I did wrestle for 4 years in HS and always felt that was a legit sport. There is something beautiful about a venue for FULL 100% physical expression. Primitive? Sure, but chimps don't fall far from the tree.

LOL i thought this was going to be a story about a time you got pink eye

Whoa. Totally honored that Halcyon would choose MY only fight as an example of one of the only violent acts he was a part of. Wouldn't be the first or last time that I goofed around and someone didn't know that I was joking. I believe I kissed my lack of biceps before I realized I couldn't get out of the way of these two flag-bearing students.

I have to admit, it felt pretty great to be standing and have both of them fall after they hit me but then felt awful when Halcyon and the rest of the school went to town on the guy who got up and tackled me. Oops. Leave it to the skinny kid to start a fight and let his friends finish it. I really thought it was obvious that I was being completely ridiculous. I sure felt ridiculous later.

@Jessica
- That is such an important insight: The fact that your reaction was about the death of the character AND the spoiler. Kinda like how my attack was mostly about my frustration with the way the football game was going.

btw, what do you thiunk abotu the blonde?! I kinda like it and actually kept it that way for a week.

While brothers may often fight, very few of them take it to the next step... Yes, I urinated in my brother's lemonade. I *think* I had a partner in crime since I was only 9 or 10 years old, but I can't be sure who encouraged me to do it. So, I take responsibility for this shameful action. However, I can take solace in the fact that I never dookied in his hot chocolate... right?

I've never been in a fist fight.

I attribute this to seeing what can happen to another human being when struck with a bare knuckle closed fist. It isn't like the movies. It isn't boxing. Gloves don't come out in altercations or moments of passion.

I took out aggressions on the football field. That said, I really didn't tap into my aggression until much later in high school. I was always afraid of hurting someone else. Once I got past that fear and accepted that giving and taking hits on the field is part of the game, I really was able to explore the contact part of the sport. My goal was always to bring a righteous hit to my opponent. Any less and we would both end up injured for pulling back or playing with less than 100% focus on the moment of impact.

Whoa, I think this is the blondest (is that a word? Firefox says it is!) I've ever seen your hair!

Anyway...I'm not entirely sure I regret this or not, but one time when I was eight or nine, my cousin and I were staying at our grandparent's house and we'd just bought a book about clay. (Actually, I think it may have been her clay book and she was letting me share. I honestly can't remember for sure if it was her book or my book.) I was intrigued by the intricate beads, and I'd spent a good half-hour working on one (which is forever in little kid time!). For no reason I could imagine, my cousin grabbed the bead out of my hand and smooshed it all up. She was crouched over on the floor, just smooshing my bead up! I felt so angry, I mustered all of my strength and kicked her as hard as I could in the back. This was pretty strange for me because I've never really been a violent person. That's pretty much the closest I've ever been to getting in a fight. My cousin told on me and we got a talking to, both of us for our various actions.

I do actually have one instance of violence I regret, from when a good friend of mine told me who was dying on Buffy next episode. (I hate spoilers.) I punched her in the shoulder pretty hard, but it was a knee jerk reaction to being pissed about the death and pissed that she spoiled me about it. I spent the rest of the day apologizing.

@SDX
-Whoa. What a powerful story. It makes me think a lot. When I told some people the story in the video, they implied that he deserved it. But that's just the thing that your story illustrates. You never know. Damn.

Actually, far too many. I was a bouncer then floor manager at a nightclub. Fights happened all the time. I wound up hitting a lot of people. Much of it was people taking swings at me and my rather small staff (when the boss isn't paying well the intimidating looking guys work elsewhere). But a lot of it was just rationalized violence. If we caught someone stealing (tip jars, bottles, etc) or destroying property (you know, the guy who thinks its fun to demolish the paper towel dispensers) then we'd kind of unleash on them on their way out the door. One day, one of my friends/bartenders told me a guy had stolen 2 bottles of liquor. I pulled the guys jacket down and they fell out, and Halcyon, I must have been having a bad night because I took it to him the entire way out the door. He was bleeding when he went to the cops, and I told them that he had stolen bottles and they told him to get lost. He came back an hour later, he wanted to talk. It turns out, he didn't steal *ANYTHING*. My friend, being drunk and needing money, had sold him the bottles from behind the bar for $10 each. I think he thought he'd get caught so he told me the guy had stolen bottles, knowing full well what I would do.
I cried that night, and I cried some more. I had let the easy path of violence take over in everything I did, and I had allowed myself to be easily manipulated, and other than me getting my friend fired, this guy got no justice for what was done to him.
I quit that job to get away from that violent lifestyle, because it was messing me up. I consider myself somewhat intellectual, and I needed to be able to deal with things in 10 degrees of anger instead of happy or SDX smash!
If I ever got the chance, I'd like to tell that guy I still feel bad, and that I will never forget the injustice he received that night from my hands and that of my friend.
In a weird twist, my friend died weeks later.

Actually, far too many. I was a bouncer then floor manager at a nightclub. Fights happened all the time. I wound up hitting a lot of people. Much of it was people taking swings at me and my rather small staff (when the boss isn't paying well the intimidating looking guys work elsewhere). But a lot of it was just rationalized violence. If we caught someone stealing (tip jars, bottles, etc) or destroying property (you know, the guy who thinks its fun to demolish the paper towel dispensers) then we'd kind of unleash on them on their way out the door. One day, one of my friends/bartenders told me a guy had stolen 2 bottles of liquor. I pulled the guys jacket down and they fell out, and Halcyon, I must have been having a bad night because I took it to him the entire way out the door. He was bleeding when he went to the cops, and I told them that he had stolen bottles and they told him to get lost. He came back an hour later, he wanted to talk. It turns out, he didn't steal *ANYTHING*. My friend, being drunk and needing money, had sold him the bottles from behind the bar for $10 each. I think he thought he'd get caught so he told me the guy had stolen bottles, knowing full well what I would do.
I cried that night, and I cried some more. I had let the easy path of violence take over in everything I did, and I had allowed myself to be easily manipulated, and other than me getting my friend fired, this guy got no justice for what was done to him.
I quit that job to get away from that violent lifestyle, because it was messing me up. I consider myself somewhat intellectual, and I needed to be able to deal with things in 10 degrees of anger instead of happy or SDX smash!
If I ever got the chance, I'd like to tell that guy I still feel bad, and that I will never forget the injustice he received that night from my hands and that of my friend.
In a weird twist, my friend died weeks later.